Things had settled down pretty much over time and Brittany appeared to be doing well. I was bothered, though, by the simple fact that the foster parents really did not believe that Brittany had all these problems. They thought she was a normal teenager. I know that she's not and that's just the cards that were handed to her. It's important to accept the things that just are and not wish they were different. Before I get too far ahead of myself...
Things were going fairly well in 2003, so I had an idea that I would bring Brittany back to Iowa for Christmas. She hadn't seen anyone in the family for at least 6 years. It was a big undertaking because I had to drive to Green River, get Brittany, bring her back to Cheyenne and then drive to Denver to fly out. We did all this and it was a good trip for Brittany and I and she was pretty well behaved. My dad and stepmother were there and I think Brittany had a good time. Until it was time to leave, Brittany had a major blowup. It had been so long since I'd been around that...I'd forgotten how I felt, especially in front of my grandmother and parents...they hadn't seen a whole lot of it. So after we both calmed down my parents drove us to the airport in Des Moines. Apparently, Brittany had what I call "reentry problems" and has had them quite alot. Meaning, problems coping with getting back into her ordinary everyday life. We talked about this before going. It still happened...it's just a natural consequence for Brittany. Life eventually got back to normal. So I thought.
I had noticed over time, that the foster mother's demeanor toward me had changed. She was always cold to me now, barely speaking and I knew something had changed. Brittany decided to tell her that I was gay...without my permission. I explained Brittany that it probably was not a good idea and she should always ask me first. She said, "Oh she's okay with it." When I started to see this change, that was the only thing I could think of for a reason.
Flashforward to 2004: It was summer. Cheyenne, every year has the well known Cheyenne Frontier Days, that is filled with activities, a carnival and fun stuff. I had Brittany for the week and things seemed to be going fine and we had a good time together. Brittany was now well into puberty(which was frightening!) at the age of 15. There was nothing really eventful about the week, no real behaviors, nothing going on. So, when the week was done, I drove her back home. Once we got out of the car, she accidently dropped her bags on the ground....then got mad and had one of her screaming behaviors. This was normal for Brittany, so I just helped her bring her things in, while trying to calm her down. She leaves me in the driveway, running into the house screaming back at me, "Stay away from me!"
Oh great. Nice way to bring her home, I thought. Doesn't that look nice! Well, I get up to the door and the foster mom runs up to Brittany, comforting her, saying "Oh honey, what happened? Are you okay?" Then they both looked at me like I'd shot someone. I'm thinking....this is strange because the foster mom KNOWS about Brittany's manipulations, why would she give into that and assume it was me? I explained to her that nothing happened the whole week and that she'd just dropped her things outside and had a behavior. No big deal. Brittany wouldn't even look at me, say goodbye or anything. So I left, figuring it would all blow over and it wasn't anything to worry about.
Now a week later, I start calling Brittany every friday, as I've always done. The answers I got were, "Oh she's not here;she's asleep;she's out shopping;she's not available right now." This went on for over a month. I knew something was not right...she can't not be home every time I call. Finally, I get angry enough that I was just going to show up to see what the hell was going on. Then my conscience gets me and I decided to call one last time before going. The foster mom gets angry with me and tells me, "You need to call DHS." Then she hangs up on me. WHAT?!
So I spend the next few hours trying to call the director of DHS. Finally, later that afternoon, I get a hold of her. She tells me this....Brittany has told her foster mom and subsequently DHS that while on her visit with me, over a month ago, that I sexually abused her! I about dropped the phone. I couldn't have heard her right. Apparently, she said that I was watching her take a shower and that I barged in her room and "fondled" her. I just could not believe this was happening. The director said, "We've been trying to get a hold of you." I said, "That's interesting because no one has called me." She says, "Well, I told the foster mom to tell you to call me when you called again....but that was over 3 weeks ago." I then explained the past month of phone calls and what really happened. It has baffled me ever since, whenever I think about this. Why didn't DHS call me themselves....and why did they leave it to the foster mom to do THEIR dirty work? Clearly, I don't think they ever took Brittany's accusations seriously...but it was just one more item of proof that Brittany DID have these problems/disorders that the foster family swore she didn't have.
Outcome in the final 13
Things were going fairly well in 2003, so I had an idea that I would bring Brittany back to Iowa for Christmas. She hadn't seen anyone in the family for at least 6 years. It was a big undertaking because I had to drive to Green River, get Brittany, bring her back to Cheyenne and then drive to Denver to fly out. We did all this and it was a good trip for Brittany and I and she was pretty well behaved. My dad and stepmother were there and I think Brittany had a good time. Until it was time to leave, Brittany had a major blowup. It had been so long since I'd been around that...I'd forgotten how I felt, especially in front of my grandmother and parents...they hadn't seen a whole lot of it. So after we both calmed down my parents drove us to the airport in Des Moines. Apparently, Brittany had what I call "reentry problems" and has had them quite alot. Meaning, problems coping with getting back into her ordinary everyday life. We talked about this before going. It still happened...it's just a natural consequence for Brittany. Life eventually got back to normal. So I thought.
I had noticed over time, that the foster mother's demeanor toward me had changed. She was always cold to me now, barely speaking and I knew something had changed. Brittany decided to tell her that I was gay...without my permission. I explained Brittany that it probably was not a good idea and she should always ask me first. She said, "Oh she's okay with it." When I started to see this change, that was the only thing I could think of for a reason.
Flashforward to 2004: It was summer. Cheyenne, every year has the well known Cheyenne Frontier Days, that is filled with activities, a carnival and fun stuff. I had Brittany for the week and things seemed to be going fine and we had a good time together. Brittany was now well into puberty(which was frightening!) at the age of 15. There was nothing really eventful about the week, no real behaviors, nothing going on. So, when the week was done, I drove her back home. Once we got out of the car, she accidently dropped her bags on the ground....then got mad and had one of her screaming behaviors. This was normal for Brittany, so I just helped her bring her things in, while trying to calm her down. She leaves me in the driveway, running into the house screaming back at me, "Stay away from me!"
Oh great. Nice way to bring her home, I thought. Doesn't that look nice! Well, I get up to the door and the foster mom runs up to Brittany, comforting her, saying "Oh honey, what happened? Are you okay?" Then they both looked at me like I'd shot someone. I'm thinking....this is strange because the foster mom KNOWS about Brittany's manipulations, why would she give into that and assume it was me? I explained to her that nothing happened the whole week and that she'd just dropped her things outside and had a behavior. No big deal. Brittany wouldn't even look at me, say goodbye or anything. So I left, figuring it would all blow over and it wasn't anything to worry about.
Now a week later, I start calling Brittany every friday, as I've always done. The answers I got were, "Oh she's not here;she's asleep;she's out shopping;she's not available right now." This went on for over a month. I knew something was not right...she can't not be home every time I call. Finally, I get angry enough that I was just going to show up to see what the hell was going on. Then my conscience gets me and I decided to call one last time before going. The foster mom gets angry with me and tells me, "You need to call DHS." Then she hangs up on me. WHAT?!
So I spend the next few hours trying to call the director of DHS. Finally, later that afternoon, I get a hold of her. She tells me this....Brittany has told her foster mom and subsequently DHS that while on her visit with me, over a month ago, that I sexually abused her! I about dropped the phone. I couldn't have heard her right. Apparently, she said that I was watching her take a shower and that I barged in her room and "fondled" her. I just could not believe this was happening. The director said, "We've been trying to get a hold of you." I said, "That's interesting because no one has called me." She says, "Well, I told the foster mom to tell you to call me when you called again....but that was over 3 weeks ago." I then explained the past month of phone calls and what really happened. It has baffled me ever since, whenever I think about this. Why didn't DHS call me themselves....and why did they leave it to the foster mom to do THEIR dirty work? Clearly, I don't think they ever took Brittany's accusations seriously...but it was just one more item of proof that Brittany DID have these problems/disorders that the foster family swore she didn't have.
Outcome in the final 13
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