Saturday, April 12, 2008
Where Oh Where...
is the respect? I know I am looking for something that doesn't exist too often with kids today. It's even more than just respect, it's having a real conversation.
I am lost.
I wish I knew where to go with Brittany now. Whenever I talk to her, all she says is "whatever, whatever." Walking out while I am talking, the awful things she says. I am on the verge of kicking her out everyday. What's worse, there's nowhere for her to go. Yet, she does not think of this. She is due to graduate in May. It is not even in her mind that school will be done and it's time to move on into adultland. How in the world am I to wake her up to start thinking about where to go from here.
And now the worst of it is, everything I've been working on for her for the past year is now on hold for who knows how long. All I know is that I cannot continue to live this way and neither can Cindy.
I am sure Brittany and I will come to blows this weekend. I don't understand it all. I don't get where it all came from. Her hygiene is awful and she doesn't seem to care about it. I know I taught her the importance of these things, yet at 19 I have to ask her if she's taken care of these things and she doesn't care if she does it or not. Brittany yelled at me once to not treat her like my clients, but I told her that at least they know their responsibilities and take care of them.
Ahhh
Saturday, April 05, 2008
No Thanks, I Prefer The INSANITY...
Yes, life is never calm for too long. I guess it's not supposed to be. In the past week, I've realized just how different my life is and will always be from my daughter's. I guess I have a strange sort of existence from others with children ready to graduate from high school. Other 18-19 year olds are not as dependent on their parents as Brittany is on me. No matter how much I try or the many ways I try to help her to move away from me, especially emotionally...I end up walking backwards in the sand.
Brittany has a couple of "friends" that I just know in my heart are NOT her friends and awful influences, and last week was my lifetime "moment of truth" movie. I told Brittany that now that the weather was getting warmer, she could walk to school. Sunday night, she was angry with me because I said, NO she could not use my computer and refused to talk to me all night. Monday morning, I thought, I am not going to wake her or try to get her up. It's her responsibility. I don't usually get her up, but I knew she didn't realize the whole thing was starting Monday. I never said a word to her and left at 7am. I get to work and call home at 8:30am, no answer, so I figured she was at school. At 12:30pm I get a call from the school saying she is absent today. Through some deducing, I find out Brittany's "friend" courtney is absent. Courtney is 15 and just a terrible influence as she knows Brittany's mentality is less than hers. I assume they are skipping school at Courtney's house, so I leave a message, at least so Brittany will know that I knew what she was up to. I kept calling home, and no answer. Meanwhile Cindy is getting off of work unusually early. Apparently, she came home to Brittany and Courtney wrecking havoc in the house all day, leaving a trail of messes wherever they went. Cindy lost it and there was yelling, etc. I've only seen Cindy mad maybe twice in 3 years. She attempted to kick Courtney out of the house. As she told me the story, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of kicking someone out of your house and then offering them a ride home LMAO. But Brittany and Courtney left together. Brittany always leaves. She came back at 10 pm and wanted to talk which shocked me. So we talked and she knew what she'd done was bad. Plus, Courtney's parents have talked Brittany into learning about their church and attending a class. They are Baptist. Yay. Brittany stated to me that she talked to Courtney's mom about my "negativity". Courtney's mom apparently told Brittany that the reason I have issues with it is because of my "lifestyle choices." Hmmm, reeeeeaaaalllly.
I reminded Brittany that C's mom does not know me, and has never even really met me, yet she is judging me. I asked Brittany to ask C's mom how she feels about her choice to be straight.
Okay all of that aside, we worked it out. So Tuesday I got to work, plugging away on paperwork and I get a phone call from the school. The DEAN of students. He tells me Brittany was caught the week before with her "friends" vandalizing the girls' bathroom. Have I totally gone insane?
He said he didn't think that she was directly doing it, but she was with them, making her guilty. She got an in school suspension.
The bottom line here is that she just cannot see how they talk her into bad things, treat her badly and god knows what else. I suppose it's no different than any of us at that age. Brittany is not strong enough to say no, that's wrong, and walk away. Why? Because she wants the friendship, or supposed friendship and knows they would not include her if she said no.
It's hard to fight against that. Especially when you are Brittany.
Remind me again why this is supposed to be this way?
Brittany has a couple of "friends" that I just know in my heart are NOT her friends and awful influences, and last week was my lifetime "moment of truth" movie. I told Brittany that now that the weather was getting warmer, she could walk to school. Sunday night, she was angry with me because I said, NO she could not use my computer and refused to talk to me all night. Monday morning, I thought, I am not going to wake her or try to get her up. It's her responsibility. I don't usually get her up, but I knew she didn't realize the whole thing was starting Monday. I never said a word to her and left at 7am. I get to work and call home at 8:30am, no answer, so I figured she was at school. At 12:30pm I get a call from the school saying she is absent today. Through some deducing, I find out Brittany's "friend" courtney is absent. Courtney is 15 and just a terrible influence as she knows Brittany's mentality is less than hers. I assume they are skipping school at Courtney's house, so I leave a message, at least so Brittany will know that I knew what she was up to. I kept calling home, and no answer. Meanwhile Cindy is getting off of work unusually early. Apparently, she came home to Brittany and Courtney wrecking havoc in the house all day, leaving a trail of messes wherever they went. Cindy lost it and there was yelling, etc. I've only seen Cindy mad maybe twice in 3 years. She attempted to kick Courtney out of the house. As she told me the story, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of kicking someone out of your house and then offering them a ride home LMAO. But Brittany and Courtney left together. Brittany always leaves. She came back at 10 pm and wanted to talk which shocked me. So we talked and she knew what she'd done was bad. Plus, Courtney's parents have talked Brittany into learning about their church and attending a class. They are Baptist. Yay. Brittany stated to me that she talked to Courtney's mom about my "negativity". Courtney's mom apparently told Brittany that the reason I have issues with it is because of my "lifestyle choices." Hmmm, reeeeeaaaalllly.
I reminded Brittany that C's mom does not know me, and has never even really met me, yet she is judging me. I asked Brittany to ask C's mom how she feels about her choice to be straight.
Okay all of that aside, we worked it out. So Tuesday I got to work, plugging away on paperwork and I get a phone call from the school. The DEAN of students. He tells me Brittany was caught the week before with her "friends" vandalizing the girls' bathroom. Have I totally gone insane?
He said he didn't think that she was directly doing it, but she was with them, making her guilty. She got an in school suspension.
The bottom line here is that she just cannot see how they talk her into bad things, treat her badly and god knows what else. I suppose it's no different than any of us at that age. Brittany is not strong enough to say no, that's wrong, and walk away. Why? Because she wants the friendship, or supposed friendship and knows they would not include her if she said no.
It's hard to fight against that. Especially when you are Brittany.
Remind me again why this is supposed to be this way?
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