Changes have been plenty and sometimes I fear I've been lost in the shuffle. Now that the holiday season is amoung us, I have to sit up and take notice. I do this by looking back and reflecting on where I've been, where I am today and where I want to be. Sometimes these things are the same or overlap.
November 10, 2009, I was asked to step down from my position of "lead Staff" of the house I managed with 3 young women who are developmentally disabled...but higher functioning. To anyone who has read my not-so-recent blogs regarding my "whistleblowing activities" is up to speed on this. Granted, I did have some paperwork that was not completed. In the summer, I was written up on this and I corrected it. From then until November 10, there was nothing brought up to me. This being said however, I believe it was early August when I went to the director of the agency to inform him of wrongdoings reported to me by 3 different staff members from the site next door, which also held 3 clients. I was assured that there was a policy on "no retaliation" and yet I know that confidentiality was broken regarding me being the one who did the reporting. I reported this break to my supervisor's boss.
So fast forward to November 10: I was not technically fired...I was offered 2 different positions that were clearly demotions. Parents of the clients even fought for me in protest, which, I have to feel good about. I chose to resign because I could not bring myself to work for these people any longer. They are backstabbing and vindictive and they covered their tracks well so it would not look like what it really was. So, hey...fine. I do have another job as a back up, where I work independently with clients and I am paid through Medicaid, making a lot more money. I knew I had this to back me up and I would have more time to build up more of a client base. I didn't go out yelling and screaming, becoming that disgruntled employee...although I very easily could have taken that route. I requested an exit interview, took in my notes of what I thought was wrong and let it spill out, very calmly and cooly, I might add. Ranting and raving rarely gets your point across. So after almost 4 years, I was finished and grateful for my decision.
My concern is for the clients that get left behind. What has been done to them is unfair. I've been told by higher up people "oh the clients are used to people coming and going in their lives." Bullshit. I do not buy that for a minute, because we, as human beings, full of emotion and in most cases heart(those who actually have one) never get used to people coming and going in our lives. I recognize the impact I've had on the clients I've worked with. No, I am not bragging or blowing my own horn, but I have seen the progress they have made. Once that happens, they feel damn good about doing better and learning from where they've been. So of course, they understand and form bonds with the very people that spend every day with them through the ups and downs. DUH! It sure as hell ain't the so-called supervisors and managers. It's not the supervisors that teach and care about them. What those people care about is money.
Oh yah. It's a business.
In this case, what is cared about what getting rid of someone who "ruffled" too many feathers. I didn't even recognize this at first, but it all fits together nicely for them.
You know, I'm really okay with my decision. What was hard to take was knowing how difficult this has been on the ladies. One client, I shall call her "C", is very sensitive and has an anxiety disorder. She and I had formed a bond and that is what helped her get through. Oh she was so frustrating at times but she ultimately learned that she alone is responsible for her own happiness or sadness. When I learned I was done, I went back to the house to get my things, C just fell into my arms sobbing and sobbing....which made me do the same, of course. I will never forget that scene. My EX supervisor has told C that she cannot talk about me or have any contact with me. It was C's mom who went to bat for me in protest, though it fell on deaf ears. C's mom called me that night in disbelief. So in the interim process, I called the supervisor that I was going to "think" about it, though I never had any intention of it. If the protest worked, then I would go back out of obligation. So when it didn't come about, I resigned officially. But C's mom called me again and we must have talked for a hour and before we hung up, she says, "Oh I love you, girl!" She is a sweet woman and has had a difficult time with her daughter...and if anyone knows about that, I DO! So...C and other clients are being told, still, they cannot have any contact with me. I can understand this in some ways, because it can help them move on. That being said, I feel there is a different way to do this to help the ladies, especially C. I admit, it's not only the ladies that have the bond. Why not take this bond and use it for something good? Why not give them the support of someone who genuinely cares and is not being "paid" to care? So, I've taken another approach and shown up in public places where I know C is. The first time I did this, she saw me and came running into my arms "JULIE!" We talked and talked and she said "you made my day!" So I've told her that I may just show up somewhere now and then to see her. Today, I received a Christmas card from her! Now that made my day. While I was still working there, I brought my new favorite movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" to watch. C loved it and so I always tell C the quote "You never know what's comin' for you." In the card, today she wrote, "you're right, you never know what's coming for you." It touches me so and I have to feel good. Things have changed at the house, the "supervisors" have come in and changed the ladies' routine and done things differently than I did. That was not necessary and they should have had at least something to count on. Now the 21 year old(now 22) called me the other day as I was a bit daring and sent her a birthday card with my number. She called me crying and crying(she's not a crier) about how awful things were now and it didn't feel like home anymore. It is difficult knowing there is nothing I can do except be supportive and give her someone to talk to.
I've learned over the past 15 or so years that I've been doing this how to work with clients. ALOT of humor and goofiness goes a long way and not ordering them to do things. The most important thing is treating them as adults, not children...giving them respect.
Oh yah. It's a business.
Guess what supervisors and managers: You wouldn't have a business if it weren't for THEM.
Peace!
