Full Circle

I received a call from Brittany last night and it was indeed a strange one. Brittany told me she'd gotten her first job! Oh I was very excited for her. It is at a TACO JOHN'S in Green River, WY. She is so excited as she should be. I had sent her the birth certificate she'd asked for. Her first question was, "Mom, what's up with the birth certificate?" I asked her what she meant. She told me her name wasn't even on it. I hadn't even looked that closely, but when I found the copy I'd made, I saw she was right. The last name was on there, but nothing else. I knew this was because of the sequence of events leading to and then after her birth. I've told Brittany the whole "adoption" story, (Blog entry) when she was young...all about my family and the decision I made. I had kept telling her every now and then, but apparently, she remembered none of it. Oh how dreadful it was telling her again as I explained why the birth certificate was the way it was. I think for a minute, she thought I was adopted. I did not know how to react as she said she didn't remember me telling her. I also told her it was not something to be upset over because I made that decision to not follow through with the adoption.

I have begun writing the book about this whole experience and now I know it is a good thing. Brittany seems so grownup and I hope I am wrong about how things will be for her in the job world. I've missed 5 years of her growing up and now here she is, planning her future. Seems so odd. Brittany tells me, "It happens, kids grow up." HAHA Ain't that the truth.

Yah, I Live in a Barn....

This here is the shed Cindy bought for the back yard. It is the biggest shed I've ever seen. I knew it was big, but it's HOUSE big! It was built by some menonite people and it's good and solid on the inside...it even has a loft on both sides and comes with a ladder, made out of solid wood. I saw it for sale on the highway it yah it looked big, but once it was here, I figured it could be seen from space. The house is so small, there is no room for things and especially since I've been here, I have crap everywhere! Now we can organize said crap and I fully expect Cindy to draw a map to show where things should go! But I love that about her...and it gives me good material to tease her with. Guess that's why we fit well together. That's my girl!

Road Rage and a Story to Change Your Way of Thinking...

This morning as I am getting ready to drive the 40+ miles it takes me to get to work, I am reminded of the awful ways of drivers today. I drove 2 hours to see my father over the weekend and every time I am driving I get so angry at people. I understand road rage...and I am in Iowa for God's sake, not New York or California. No way could I handle that...I've driven in Denver and that's so bad...even Des Moines gets me sweaty. But I digress....I was driving to see my father in Illinois. It's amazing to see the people with no seatbelts on, no one goes the speed limit and if you do, they are right on your ass, getting pissed because you are. No one ever gets caught. Some people do, but not while I am driving, for sure. The other thing that is my ULTIMATE pet peeve is that no one uses a turn signal. Apparently, it is a lost skill. People obviously believe we are all schooled in knowing how to read minds. Don't get me started on people using their cell phones....I cannot say too much about that, though I would like to....I do it myself, though I have a headset I use. It's interesting to me how unfocused people are. I am not a perfect driver...how can you be? But, I always use my turn signal, don't cut people off or pull out in front of people. I am one of those annoying people who patiently wait until it is safe to turn. People actually honk their horns if you don't turn when they feel you should. What is up with that? If you want to kill yourself, fine...do it on your own time.

I had to take a driving test when I started this job as it required me to accquire a chauffeur's license. It was amazing the habits one gets into, even the safe driver I attain to be. I had an accident a week before Christmas with my car and though it was due to the weather, I still got a ticket. I had not gotten a ticket in over 20 years. It has made me more cautious to know and be aware of my surroundings. So, be safe and be smart...especially if it's me behind you.

STORY:
A client I have, Dean, is 47 years old. When I first met he and his parents, an old farm couple, they told me about their grandchild who was 9 months old, killed in a car accident some 30 years before. I think of this every single day, while I am driving. It was told to me that their daughter and grandson were in the car driving on this certain highway that I now drive twice a week to go pick up Dean. This highway has 2 directions, going and coming and it is fairly narrow. A semi truck driver coming from the other direction made the fateful decision to pass the car in front of him. Suddenly, he did not have enough time to pass and he hit Dean's sister's car head on, killing the baby but the mother made it through. Every time I think about passing someone on a two lane highway, or anywhere for that matter, this occurs to me. I usually decide better of it. One decision can affect so many people without you even knowing it.

That is why I try to be safe and why I get so annoyed. So many young people who think they know what they are doing by speeding and driving recklessly. Motorcycles too....ugh don't get me started on that.

Happy driving!

The Tail Fairy

Once many moons ago, I was with a ....well, technically, she was a woman! This goes back to a previous blog entry on "Spiderwoman". But this one involves Brittany, my now 17 year old daughter. Spiderwoman was quite the butch thing...short and stocky with black hair, hair which happened to be styled in a crew cut and a tail in the back. Brittany was 8 years old when we went to live with Spiderwoman. Maybe a month after we were there, Spiderwoman talked Brittany into wanting a hairstyle like hers. I was dead set against it and said no. Once while I was grocery shoppinig, Spiderwoman said, "I'll take Brittany and get her hair cut while you are shopping." I told her once again, "Okay but no crew cut or tail or both...just a regular cut." Well, when I came back, I was horrified...she'd done it. My daughter now had a crew cut and a tail. Plus I was so pissed...beyond belief. This was in 1998 when people had tails, and I've never liked it. If you want that, it's okay, you are an adult, not 8 years old.

Anyway, the inevitable happened, and about 2 months later, I left said Spiderwoman. But Brittany still had the haircut. No matter what I tried to say to her, she would not let me take her for another style. If only I could get the tail off, then at least she would just have the cut on top and it would grow out. Being a writer and always having things in my twisted mind, I came up with this story. Also, due to Brittany's disabilities and her, by nature, gullibility, I thought I could play on it. I asked Brittany this:

"Have you ever heard of the TAIL FAIRY?"

Brittany: "No mommy, I haven't. What about the TAIL FAIRY?"

"Well, the TAIL FAIRY is someone who goes around collecting children's tails from their hair, alllll over the world, paying them money for each one, sort of like the TOOTH FAIRY....only with tails. And then, you know what the TAIL FAIRY does with all those tails?"

Brittany: "No, what?"

"When the TAIL FAIRY gathers all of the tails together, she weaves them into wigs for sick children everywhere who don't have any hair."

Brittany: "Really mommy? WOW!"

"It's true...but you know, not everyone knows about the TAIL FAIRY, so don't talk about it, okay?"

Brittany: "Okay mommy. Can the TAIL FAIRY have my tail?"

"Sure! I bet she will even bring you some money for it!"

So then we cut off the tail and put it under her pillow and the TAIL FAIRY magically left $2 under her pillow. Then I heard Brittany ask my father, "Grandpa, do you know about the TAIL FAIRY?"

My dad looks at me and I smile, then he says, "No, I don't."

Brittany smiles and says, "Oh okay, Grandpa."

This story has just occurred to me when recently thinking about Brittany's childhood, as she's just called me to tell me she is looking for her first real job and learning how to drive. I loved her innocent nature...thank goodness she had it and hopefully still does.

Things I Hate but cry for...

Well, July 15th was one of the HOTTEST days around here there has been. So...what should we do? Oh yes....let's go to a wedding! And just to make it more uncomfortable, let's have it OUTSIDE! WOOHOOO! I am so grateful it is all over. This was the wedding of Cindy's exgf's daughter. Lord how I despised going to this wedding. It's hard when you don't agree with the actual guy the woman is marrying. Why don't they just live in sin like the rest of us? Once and awhile, he likes to drink, carry on and bust things up, like their apartment. They both have tempers...but let's make it legal. Poor Cindy has dealt with the girl and her mother(her ex) for many years, since the girl was 15 and she is now 23 or so. They all love each other, but I don't think the girl and her mother realize how much they take advantage of my girl. She's so pure at heart, she loves most everyone(except her brother-in-law).

Cindy was delegated to take pictures at the wedding as she is into photography and of course no one has the money for a professional picture taker. Hmmmm. So Cindy asked if I would help her that day. As much as I loathe weddings, I agreed for my girl. This being said, I have to admit, the ceremony was nice, the music was nice and damn if I didn't end up even crying. Many of the lesbians from the girl party were there, including the butch girl with her "wife" and "sister-in-law" who is also a lesbian. I had to wave at the butch girl like we were best buds. For some reason, I really like her....I think it's her outright boldness that I cannot afford to have. I respect and admire it.

So Cindy is taking pictures of people who do NOT want to have their pictures taken. Cindy said she would never want to be a professional for this reason, but by God, was she ever good at getting people together, standing where they should be and calling the shots. I was so proud of her. Once we got to the reception, no one cared about anything but drinking. Cindy worked on what was happening and when this was going to happen and that was going to happen. She got people together, took family pictures, barely had time to eat anything...no one could have been more professional. She held it together...until the kids came along! Of course, no parent was watching the kids running back and forth in front of the camera or popping balloons. The final time the kids ran in front of my girl....was indeed the final time as she exploded, "You kids go over there and SIT DOWN!" I had to laugh to myself, because anyone that knows Cindy, knows how calm and good natured she is...you hardly ever see her mad, but when she is, watch out! I do believe that is the first time I've ever seen her mad in over a year and a half together. Living with me, the woman has to have a shitload of tolerance and patience!

When the bride and groom danced, I saw Cindy's ex(the mother) crying and I lost it then, as I kept thinking that one day, maybe it would be Brittany's wedding and Lord knows how or even IF I could hold it together that long. I am the most horrible person at these events. I turn into a wallflower. Plus I was busy trying to pull myself together. Once I start with the leaky faucets(as my dad would say) I cannot stop easily. I didn't want to eat or really talk to anyone. Who knows why I am that way. Oh I talked to a few people but of course, I didn't know many of them. God I couldn't wait to get home. Once we were at home, Cindy hugged me and said, "We don't need any of that to know how we feel." AMEN I do think, however, that there should be marriage for everyone, everywhere, regardless, and it shouldn't be a legal question AT ALL. It should just be. End of story.

Another thing I hate(but don't cry over) is selfish greedy people....especially in young people. The way this whole thing is going to work with the pictures is... Cindy has to take them in and get them developed, paying for them outright, then her ex will make her payments. 2 days after the wedding, the bride calls and I answer, the first thing she says, "ARE THE PICTURES DONE YET?" I thought " you little bitch...you aren't even paying for them." YAh I wasn't too please at how rude she was. This has been Cindy's life with these people. There isn't much that makes me more angry than ungrateful people.

See if I go to her divorce party!

Nothing Wrong With Him

This may look odd, but it's the most fascinating thing I've seen in awhile. This contraption was built by one of my clients, Harold. Every time I go to his apartment, I make it a point to use the bathroom just to stare at it! Yes, I am strange. Harold built this out of a floor lamp, put string through it and there it is. He wanted it so he could put 3 rolls on at once. The strings are put through small key rings to be able to replace the new with the old. This man is considered slow and technically is developmentally disabled, but what I find fascinating is that he is always thinking of better more convenient ways of doing things. He rigs things to make life a little easier for himself. This is why I love what I do...these people have so much to offer if we could all take the time to see it. In my 10+ years of doing this, they've taught me more than I could have taught them. What a joy.

The Girl Party

Well, the party is over. The infamous girl party. This is only my 2nd year of attending, but I love seeing my "peeps". It makes me laugh seeing all of the lesbians...from all walks of life. I made a point of watching them, most often they were the butches. They played bocce ball on the lawn while a few of us cheered them on, making rude comments, like "THAT SUCKED" or "NICE BALLS!" The butchest woman there called her gf "wife" and her gf's sister, sister-in-law....which I find oddly liberating, but then I just can't do it myself. I will always refer to Cindy as my gf, and I have no interest whatsoever in getting "married" or having a ceremony. This butch woman makes me smile because she talked about her job, which is delivering packages for some delivery company like UPS. She talked about training some guy that was having issues with other drivers and she flat out told him, "Don't know if you have a problem with this, but I'm the biggest dyke you're ever gonna meet." The guy preceeded to tell her that at his last job, he'd met a wonderful woman who was a lesbian and he'd had the best time working with her. After describing her, the butch woman pulls out a picture of her "sister-in-law" and turns out it was her. It would be nice to be that bold....I've told people in past jobs and only once did I have any problems.
My cheesecake was a hit and so was Cindy's dessert ...as always, I love her dessert! Uhhh just not this one, because it had marshmallows in it. There's something about squishy things I can't deal with.
But how I love this party and all it represents....can't wait for next year!