Dustin Off The Cobwebs

Cobwebs are abundant, but it's cleaning season, right? Much has happened I think since I last wrote and don't recall when that was, but here I am.

Have to talk about the good news. I may FINALLY be getting my novel published! Oh I cannot wait to hear something positive. Editing was a tedious process, but I did learn that I can do this. I let it go too long(over a year!) because I think it all was so overwhelming that I didn't know where to begin, but once I started, it went well! I went through it 3 times and finally sent it back in to my agent. So now it is in the marketing stages. I am supposed to get an update every 30 days. The first update is due Sept 12th, so I am anxious to hear what they say. So I am at work on my next novel and it is kind of exciting making up new characters! Everything is happy...I have never been happier in so many aspects of my life...and then there is the Brittany. *SIGH*

Where do I begin? My daughter has cut me out of her life and I have to say for the sake of my sanity, it is probably for the best. I've written my struggle with her growing up and the struggle has continued and deepened into her adulthood. I think this is because the issues are the same only in an older body. There isn't a sense of consequences for her actions or her words. There never has been, no matter what I have tried. As an adult, I have backed off of her so that she would learn to do things on her own. She does not think ahead and is perfectly happy letting someone else take care of her. When there are outside influences telling her how she should feel, there are no filters for her to say "no, I don't feel that way, I feel this way." It is usually, "Oh yes, that's how I feel. You are right." She is a master manipulator and a master at allowing herself to be manipulated. How can I compete with this? I cannot. I don't want to.

This all began when she was at my house doing laundry with her boyfriend and lost her temper breaking her laptop(that she bought) bending the screen backwards. Nice, eh? So she took off outside and everyone thought she would be back after she cooled off. She never returned and her boyfriend was worried about her. No call no nothing. What started off as a cooling off period turned into "I can't stand my boyfriend and I am breaking up with him." She didn't have the balls to tell him that either. She thought it was all funny as she scurried off to these crazy ass people where she used to live. The woman is an ex boyfriend's mother whom she now calls MOM. The woman kicked her out of her house around memorial day and who did Brittany turn to...? That's right. ME. I wasn't allowing her back in my house and I am sure she played this up to people about what a shitty mother I was by not allowing her back. So now suddenly they are all chummy. I was so angry at Brittany though she didn't do anything to me this time, but it was the way she treated people, almost in an evil way. I told her I wasn't talking to her, I was so angry. I let it go and then a couple weeks later, she referred to me on facebook as her "Birth Mother". It has declined since then.

I found her father on facebook and told her to look him up. She took all of the credit for that, but fails to realize in 22 years, he has never tried to look for HER. As I predicted, she texted me one day saying she was moving in with him in Des Moines. I say good, he owes her that. And I can also predict the outcome for this. But I have been quiet. Does it matter? nope. Suddenly I am responsible for him all of a sudden not calling her. Okay, sure, like I care enough to do that. I sent him a note giving him INFORMATION about the daughter he knows NOTHING about and what her life has been like. He will always be a creep. She has to find that out for herself.

Then yesterday, I receive a note on facebook from her, a long note might I add, detailing how I have emotionally abused her, was never there for her and only cared about myself and she wishes I would have given her up. I told her I know the game she is playing and "go right ahead and play it". These people she calls her family do NOT understand what she is capable of. I believe she has lied to them, painting me out to be this monster, so she can play the "Poor Brittany" routine who has been horribly wronged. So fine.

So here I am reflecting on things I've done and decisions I've made. Yes, like anyone, I made mistakes, had relationships with people I regret having. That's part of life. Things happen for a reason and as weird as it may sound, I think this has happened to show me that it's time for me to live my own life without her. I never would have thought things would turn out this way, but so it has and I cannot do a thing to fix or change it. I'm tired. Tired of being hurt, disrespected and wondering what kind of bullshit she will try next. She is completely out in left field now, no matter how hard I tried to steer her in the right direction.

Sometimes life sucks and you realize what a gift it is.