Life was interesting after making this decision and feeling comfortable with it. At the time, I'd been living in a dumpy apartment and then my grandmother offered for me to move in with her until after the baby and I got on my feet...so to speak. I spent the next few months talking with Debbi and John and getting to know them. I began to feel so close to them, like they were my best friends and I was giving this gift to them. This made me feel more at peace with the decision somehow. Like I couldn't let them down. Debbi and John were paying my rent and medical expenses during this time. I never realized how much red tape there is for an adoption. The parents had a lawyer, the baby had a lawyer and things had to be set up for when the baby was born.
As the months passed so slowly by, I just wanted it to be over. I had spent the first 4 months of my pregnancy in the bathroom with morning, noon and night sickness, as I called it. I spent more time in the bathroom throwing up than doing anything else. I lost 25 pounds and some people didn't even believe I was pregnant. Like I would make it up....oh yah, people do do that, don't they? Not me...I swore I'd always remember how awful I felt and let that be a lesson. I guess I was 7 1/2 months along when I took Lamaze classes. I enjoyed that but it also told me that my time was limited.
Then the time came. I was 2 weeks overdue in March, 1989. Finally the dr said I needed to be delivered. Suddenly, all the time I'd been waiting and wishing to end, was here....but now I wanted more time. I went to the hospital and was attached to monitors and people poking and prodding me. I'd just come from the Drs office where they'd done a pelvic exam and the baby had not dropped at all, so that exam was painful. Here I was in the labor room now, with a strong hefty woman putting a catheter inside of me. I thought if one more person tells me to relax...oh she did it, she told me to relax. I shouted, "You know, I'd like to stick my hand clear up to my elbow up that Drs ass and tell him to RELAX!" The nurse, laughed, "Hmm are we a tad bit hostile today?" Ya think?
Anyway, I had been asked whether I wanted to see the baby and hold her. I'd been told it wasn't a good idea for me to hold the baby, but I at least wanted to see her. So Brittany was born at 1:45pm on March 17, 1989, a friday....yes, St. Patty's day...by C-Section. I had learned that the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck and had I been insistant on having a natural childbirth, one of us would not have made it. I'd had no labor pains of any kind, nothing. But Brittany turned out to be over 10 lbs. I believe the cord around her neck was the cause of her later disabilities.
That first day after her birth was somewhat of a blur, as the drugs began to wear off. I received flowers and phone calls from Debbi and John. The next day, I decided to hold her. My thinking was that because I was truly going to go through with this adoption, it would be the only chance I had to hold my daughter. Of course, the nurses were against it, but I had every intention of following through, no matter how difficult it was.
The day after that, Sunday, I realized I had not heard from Debbi and John for awhile. I immediately thought something was wrong. Monday comes along, and still no word from anyone. Then Tuesday came, the day I was to get out of the hospital. Everything happens for a reason, as part of a big complicated plan, we know nothing about. I will forever believe this to be true.
Next:part3
As the months passed so slowly by, I just wanted it to be over. I had spent the first 4 months of my pregnancy in the bathroom with morning, noon and night sickness, as I called it. I spent more time in the bathroom throwing up than doing anything else. I lost 25 pounds and some people didn't even believe I was pregnant. Like I would make it up....oh yah, people do do that, don't they? Not me...I swore I'd always remember how awful I felt and let that be a lesson. I guess I was 7 1/2 months along when I took Lamaze classes. I enjoyed that but it also told me that my time was limited.
Then the time came. I was 2 weeks overdue in March, 1989. Finally the dr said I needed to be delivered. Suddenly, all the time I'd been waiting and wishing to end, was here....but now I wanted more time. I went to the hospital and was attached to monitors and people poking and prodding me. I'd just come from the Drs office where they'd done a pelvic exam and the baby had not dropped at all, so that exam was painful. Here I was in the labor room now, with a strong hefty woman putting a catheter inside of me. I thought if one more person tells me to relax...oh she did it, she told me to relax. I shouted, "You know, I'd like to stick my hand clear up to my elbow up that Drs ass and tell him to RELAX!" The nurse, laughed, "Hmm are we a tad bit hostile today?" Ya think?
Anyway, I had been asked whether I wanted to see the baby and hold her. I'd been told it wasn't a good idea for me to hold the baby, but I at least wanted to see her. So Brittany was born at 1:45pm on March 17, 1989, a friday....yes, St. Patty's day...by C-Section. I had learned that the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck and had I been insistant on having a natural childbirth, one of us would not have made it. I'd had no labor pains of any kind, nothing. But Brittany turned out to be over 10 lbs. I believe the cord around her neck was the cause of her later disabilities.
That first day after her birth was somewhat of a blur, as the drugs began to wear off. I received flowers and phone calls from Debbi and John. The next day, I decided to hold her. My thinking was that because I was truly going to go through with this adoption, it would be the only chance I had to hold my daughter. Of course, the nurses were against it, but I had every intention of following through, no matter how difficult it was.
The day after that, Sunday, I realized I had not heard from Debbi and John for awhile. I immediately thought something was wrong. Monday comes along, and still no word from anyone. Then Tuesday came, the day I was to get out of the hospital. Everything happens for a reason, as part of a big complicated plan, we know nothing about. I will forever believe this to be true.
Next:part3
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