As it turns out, Brittany had attacked one of the workers in a fit. It wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. She threw a roll of paper towels at the woman and called her a "bitch". But it was in their policy to take everything seriously. Part of the problem was that Brittany had been there way too long. She'd watched several kids come and go. No one was giving me any other solution. DHS wanted her back home so they didn't have to deal with her any longer. I wasn't willing to allow that because nothing had changed.
So we all went to court...several times. And each time, DHS stood up and cut me down. Saying I was the problem....I wouldn't go to counseling, blah blah blah. The one judge asked me why. I told him that while counseling could help me in cope with things, it's not going to help the problem, and that is Brittany's behaviors. And at the arraignment hearing, I felt so bad for Brittany because the judge would not let me explain things to her. She had no way of understanding about court. So she ended up saying the wrong thing...that she denied doing this act, when she had planned on saying, yes, she knew she did this. But it really didn't matter much, I guess. It had been discussed about sending her to some girl's school up north and thank God that didn't happen. Those girls there are just bad girls...Brittany is not like them at all. They just put her on probation for a year, and counseling. And she was to stay in the youth home at least another month.
Then I had to attend a meeting at DHS. At this meeting were Brittany's case worker, the dhs director, someone from the counseling center and a couple other people. The psychiatrist had prepared a report on Brittany's disorders, the autism, especially and wrote that she needed to be in a residential facility. None of these things were brought up in court, or allowed to, and the one woman from the counseling center briefly talked about the report, like it meant nothing. Then she says outloud, "Well, if some of these things are not happening at school, then it must be a problem in the home."
Oh I became irate...how tired I was of hearing how I was to blame for her behaviors. I looked the woman square in the eye and said, "Excuse me, have you ever met Brittany?"
She says, "No."
I ask her, "Have you ever met me before?"
She says, "No."
I tell her, "Then you have no right to judge me. You have no idea what I have been through with this child. I've been called names, I've had knives and scissors thrown at me...you don't have a clue. I am trying to get Brittany some help and all you want to do is blame me."
The room got suddenly quiet...
This meeting was pointless, like all the others.
Brittany wasn't any better and the people at the youth home really tried with her, but they just could not do it any longer. The decision had finally been made that Brittany had to leave. Her behaviors were just too disruptive. So DHS found a foster home. What's interesting to me is that I was against her going to a foster home at this point. What if she destroyed someone else's home/property or hurt someone....DHS said, "well it is a chance we have to take, since you have chosen not to take her back." I was also told there was such a thing as a "theraputic" foster home, but she had to have an IQ of 70. Brittany's was 66. Hmm suddenly she was tested again and it magically appeared to be 70. DHS had their own people to do testing and I feel that something fishy was going on there. As it happens, the first foster home didn't work out for Brittany but not because of her. They just decided it wasn't what they wanted. Then another foster home was found and Brittany loved it. There were several foster kids already there, so she had the brothers/sisters she wanted. By all accounts, she was doing okay.
About 4 months into it, DHS was pushing for the foster parents to adopt Brittany. She was 13 now. But Brittany told them no, she didn't want them to adopt her and because of her age, they had to listen to her. The foster mother was nice to me and we got along well, looking out for Brittany, but also aware of her manipulating nature. I was told I had to make a decision...either take her back or give her up completely.
Either way is no easy journey.....
So we all went to court...several times. And each time, DHS stood up and cut me down. Saying I was the problem....I wouldn't go to counseling, blah blah blah. The one judge asked me why. I told him that while counseling could help me in cope with things, it's not going to help the problem, and that is Brittany's behaviors. And at the arraignment hearing, I felt so bad for Brittany because the judge would not let me explain things to her. She had no way of understanding about court. So she ended up saying the wrong thing...that she denied doing this act, when she had planned on saying, yes, she knew she did this. But it really didn't matter much, I guess. It had been discussed about sending her to some girl's school up north and thank God that didn't happen. Those girls there are just bad girls...Brittany is not like them at all. They just put her on probation for a year, and counseling. And she was to stay in the youth home at least another month.
Then I had to attend a meeting at DHS. At this meeting were Brittany's case worker, the dhs director, someone from the counseling center and a couple other people. The psychiatrist had prepared a report on Brittany's disorders, the autism, especially and wrote that she needed to be in a residential facility. None of these things were brought up in court, or allowed to, and the one woman from the counseling center briefly talked about the report, like it meant nothing. Then she says outloud, "Well, if some of these things are not happening at school, then it must be a problem in the home."
Oh I became irate...how tired I was of hearing how I was to blame for her behaviors. I looked the woman square in the eye and said, "Excuse me, have you ever met Brittany?"
She says, "No."
I ask her, "Have you ever met me before?"
She says, "No."
I tell her, "Then you have no right to judge me. You have no idea what I have been through with this child. I've been called names, I've had knives and scissors thrown at me...you don't have a clue. I am trying to get Brittany some help and all you want to do is blame me."
The room got suddenly quiet...
This meeting was pointless, like all the others.
Brittany wasn't any better and the people at the youth home really tried with her, but they just could not do it any longer. The decision had finally been made that Brittany had to leave. Her behaviors were just too disruptive. So DHS found a foster home. What's interesting to me is that I was against her going to a foster home at this point. What if she destroyed someone else's home/property or hurt someone....DHS said, "well it is a chance we have to take, since you have chosen not to take her back." I was also told there was such a thing as a "theraputic" foster home, but she had to have an IQ of 70. Brittany's was 66. Hmm suddenly she was tested again and it magically appeared to be 70. DHS had their own people to do testing and I feel that something fishy was going on there. As it happens, the first foster home didn't work out for Brittany but not because of her. They just decided it wasn't what they wanted. Then another foster home was found and Brittany loved it. There were several foster kids already there, so she had the brothers/sisters she wanted. By all accounts, she was doing okay.
About 4 months into it, DHS was pushing for the foster parents to adopt Brittany. She was 13 now. But Brittany told them no, she didn't want them to adopt her and because of her age, they had to listen to her. The foster mother was nice to me and we got along well, looking out for Brittany, but also aware of her manipulating nature. I was told I had to make a decision...either take her back or give her up completely.
Either way is no easy journey.....
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