Oh Lordy. This had happened a few years earlier. Brittany was missing for 3 hours in Iowa, right by the river. She'd gotten angry at me and decided to leave...I attempted to follow her, but lost her...then it got dark and I couldn't find her anywhere. I had to call the police with a description and everything. The policeman was just leaving my house, when they'd gotten a call that some man was bringing her home. The man picked her up and she had said she wanted to go to the mall. That's where he took her and then called the police. I've always been so grateful that was a good man. I never got a chance to thank him.
Flash forward to 2001....
I talked to Brittany about strangers over and over again. Brittany thought everyone was nice and no one would ever hurt her. We talked and talked about this. "Yes mom, I know."
The next day, she did it again...only this time it was the librarian who picked her up. Of course, the school was legally obligated to report me for neglect. A DHS(department of human services) worker came to visit with me and I explained everything to her. She said that the charges would be founded but it would be so low on my record that it would never come up through a regular search. Great. Here I go again.
Well, as it turns out, things went progressively worse after that. The school was calling me constantly to deal with one of Brittany's behaviors, whether it be a violent outburst(she threw a pencil and almost hit someone) or a change of clothes because she wet herself. How much could I keep leaving work? My boss was so wonderful but I could see nothing was going to change, only get worse. Brittany was in therapy with a wonderful therapist who was just as good for me as he was for Brittany. I made this decision to quit my job for 1 month, just to see if Brittany was any better with me home. It was not long before I had my answer.
One fateful day, Brittany had an awful morning...as she most genuinely did. She screamed to me that she was running away, so not to bother waiting for her after school. To Brittany's credit, she adored school, she always has. She said not to even bother looking for her at school. Who knows what the day will bring. In the afternoon as the bus dropped her off, she saw me watching her get off the bus and went into a rampage right there in the front yard, throwing her backpack, screaming. I had to go outside and make her come in. Once in, she yelled, "You are the WORST mother and the WORST person in the UNIVERSE! I HATE YOU!" Then she stormed off to her room. As odd as it seems, I was somewhat immune to this behavior by now. I was used to being the worstanything in her eyes. I let her stay in her room, didn't talk to her or bother her for quite some time. After about 45 minutes, I saw her in her room. Still had her coat on, standing on her bed, staring out her window. She told me she wanted to kill herself. She's said this before and I am fairly certain she was just talking, but you never know. I asked her if she had a plan of how she would do this. She says, "No, but it's better than being here with you."
Immune to everything else, this cut right through me. I decided I'd leave her alone again...being as she'd rather be dead than be with me anyway! After a few more minutes, I came back. She was still standing there, staring. I envisioned her trying to escape out her window and running off. She said, "I just want to go out and live in the wild."
I told her then that I would have to call the police if she escaped out the window, just to keep her safe. I then left her alone again.
5 minutes later, she comes out of her room in a totally different mood, all sweet and loving, "Mommy, is there something I can do for you around the house?"
"What?" I asked her. "Do you remember anything about the past hour, the things you said?"
"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." She said.
Wow.
That was when I knew I had to do something.
Flash forward to 2001....
I talked to Brittany about strangers over and over again. Brittany thought everyone was nice and no one would ever hurt her. We talked and talked about this. "Yes mom, I know."
The next day, she did it again...only this time it was the librarian who picked her up. Of course, the school was legally obligated to report me for neglect. A DHS(department of human services) worker came to visit with me and I explained everything to her. She said that the charges would be founded but it would be so low on my record that it would never come up through a regular search. Great. Here I go again.
Well, as it turns out, things went progressively worse after that. The school was calling me constantly to deal with one of Brittany's behaviors, whether it be a violent outburst(she threw a pencil and almost hit someone) or a change of clothes because she wet herself. How much could I keep leaving work? My boss was so wonderful but I could see nothing was going to change, only get worse. Brittany was in therapy with a wonderful therapist who was just as good for me as he was for Brittany. I made this decision to quit my job for 1 month, just to see if Brittany was any better with me home. It was not long before I had my answer.
One fateful day, Brittany had an awful morning...as she most genuinely did. She screamed to me that she was running away, so not to bother waiting for her after school. To Brittany's credit, she adored school, she always has. She said not to even bother looking for her at school. Who knows what the day will bring. In the afternoon as the bus dropped her off, she saw me watching her get off the bus and went into a rampage right there in the front yard, throwing her backpack, screaming. I had to go outside and make her come in. Once in, she yelled, "You are the WORST mother and the WORST person in the UNIVERSE! I HATE YOU!" Then she stormed off to her room. As odd as it seems, I was somewhat immune to this behavior by now. I was used to being the worstanything in her eyes. I let her stay in her room, didn't talk to her or bother her for quite some time. After about 45 minutes, I saw her in her room. Still had her coat on, standing on her bed, staring out her window. She told me she wanted to kill herself. She's said this before and I am fairly certain she was just talking, but you never know. I asked her if she had a plan of how she would do this. She says, "No, but it's better than being here with you."
Immune to everything else, this cut right through me. I decided I'd leave her alone again...being as she'd rather be dead than be with me anyway! After a few more minutes, I came back. She was still standing there, staring. I envisioned her trying to escape out her window and running off. She said, "I just want to go out and live in the wild."
I told her then that I would have to call the police if she escaped out the window, just to keep her safe. I then left her alone again.
5 minutes later, she comes out of her room in a totally different mood, all sweet and loving, "Mommy, is there something I can do for you around the house?"
"What?" I asked her. "Do you remember anything about the past hour, the things you said?"
"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." She said.
Wow.
That was when I knew I had to do something.
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