The Point of No Return--Part 11

Choices. Was this ever a difficult time in my life. Initially, I was told it was either or...no in between. Then, it was found out, these were not my only choices. There was a different worker in the office, taking over for the regular one who was on maternity leave. Ah DHS...how the BS flows from there.

It had been a few months already that Brittany was with this foster family. The issue of Guardianship came up. I have found out since, if this had all happened in Iowa, where I am now and where I am originally from, things would have turned out differently...and not in a good way. But this was Wyoming and if I signed over guardianship to these people, I would still have my paternal rights. I could see her and spend time with her, have her for visits, etc. I would not have a say so in her day to day life, in a legal sense. I saw no other solution as hard as it was to realize I'd never have her back and these people would be raising her. But at least, I would be in her life. I had prepared myself to give her up, which was so hard to think about. I was suddenly struck by the irony life had presented. Here was the life I fought so hard to keep with me, go against everyone for...and it turns out, I let her go after all. I had to believe this was the best decision. So I did it. Signed the guardianship papers. DHS had to find Brittany's father also, so he could sign also. I had no clue where he was...Brittany had not seen him since she was probably a year old. So he signed them.
During the time of the guardianship, I had moved to Cheyenne, Wyoming...about 4 hours away. I'd found a good job with another agency there and I'd met someone online, who was moving to Cheyenne in a few months, though not to live with me. So I decided it was time for a new start. Brittany was taken care of and I didn't have those worries. I took Brittany to Cheyenne so she could help me look for an apartment and see the town. She loved it and it was good having her here. We talked about the guradianship and she had a difficult time with it at first. We went out to eat and she started worrying about what it all meant. I told her it only meant that the foster family could make decisions about Doctors and school things. I also remember telling her that sometimes people, including moms, have to make really hard decisions about their kids...even when what's best hurts the most. We cried together and remembering it now makes me emotional. Of course, I did what I've always done, try to make her laugh. I told her, "Don't be crying in your lemonade...it waters it down and they'll kick us OUT!" We laughed through our tears and even now she brings up crying in her lemonade.
As she settled in at the foster home, the foster mom talked to me about having her weaned off of her meds. I was against it, but I thought that maybe at the least, she should be reevaluated. Maybe she wasn't on the right meds. No, she didn't think she needed the meds. I just thought...well, have fun! So, they did this and Brittany has not been on any medication since.
I have disagreed with this, even though, for the most part...Brittany has done better through the past 5 years that she's been with them. The problem is, and always has been, that the foster mom has not believed anything was wrong with Brittany, other than being "a little slow". She believes she was misdiagnosed and because I don't have much of a say so, it's been difficult to make them hear what I am saying.
So, I moved to Cheyenne in 2003, I believe and would have Brittany every couple of weeks or so. The drive was horrible so eventually, I would just go to Rock Springs and spend the days at my friend's house and take Brittany out there. This worked out fairly well. Everything went well...until 2004.......