Death. It's so final. There's no more sunny skies, no more enjoying all that waking up everyday has to give you. I guess that is the most difficult part for me to imagine. Maybe once I get older I will become more at peace with the notion, but right now, it boggles my mind.
Thursday was my friend Julie's visitation. Since she was in the military for 21 years, she received a full military funeral. She deserved that, without question. For me, I cannot deal with seeing the body of someone I know and cared about. I know that many people need to see that body so they know they are really gone and to say their goodbyes. I am not one of those people. From the time I was young and went to my first funeral, I've had visions. Yes, I see dead people. Not psychic visions or anything that exciting...but for the few visitations I've been to, that is the picture in my mind for a long time afterward. It's just too much. I would much rather remember that person as they were in their glory...not lying in a casket. So I chose not to go to the visitation, but the funeral instead. Cindy said she wished I was there...but I don't.
So the funeral was Friday. What a beautiful service it was. Julie was the ultimate lesbian. Many of her old girlfriends showed up and people I've known from "the pack". Julie was the 'love'em and leave'em' type for sure, but there were a select few that meant the world to her. She lived for lust and when that got old, she moved on. But I have to believe she was very happy in the last year and a half with her girlfriend Jeanie. I had to smile when I saw the huge turnout because I knew Julie was watching and loving every damn minute...knowing all the attention she was getting.
From the time this all happened to Julie, I've been concerned about how Julie's girlfriend would be treated. Afterall, she was the one who found Julie, the one who called 911 and most especially, the one in Julie's life. I thought maybe since Julie's sister, T(Cindy's ex), is also gay, that she would understand and not push her aside like she meant nothing. But I was wrong. So T and another friend Julie(who was Julie's ex GF and the one she was still the closest to) went to Texas to take her off life support. They made all these arrangements, I'm sure with the help of the military, and I never heard a word about Jeanie.
I really did not approve of the way this funeral home was set up for Julie's funeral. The family was set up in one room and friends and others in another room adjacent to it. So we were separated from the family and could not see the family. Oh there was a tv screen that people in the back could probably see, but it just felt wrong. What was even more wrong was that Jeanie sat with us. Some friends of ours let them sit in the front row out of respect, but she should have been in with the family. I started thinking that if something happened to Cindy right now, this is where I would be delegated...to the friend room. The problem I have is that there were other "friends" there in the family room. Who was closer to Julie than her girlfriend? Jeanie was not even mentioned as a CLOSE friend in the obituary or the little pamphlet that was handed out when we walked in.
I said to Cindy how wrong this was and told her, "Julie sure as hell wouldn't take a back seat to anyone!" Cindy laughed and said, "Hell no, she wouldn't."
As far as we've come...I wonder if we'll always be in the friend room...
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