Christmas 2007...in a nutshell

For 2 Christmases in a row now, I've had to deal with death. For an everyday occurence, it sure is ever present on my mind. People enter your life for a reason, no matter how long they are here. They do their job and make their exit. We are never ready for the final bow.

My Christmas this year, was not too awful. I've spent many Christmases by myself...without Brittany and without anyone, family or a significant other. So this Christmas, I had all of it together. Yah, it's stressful with all of the shopping and money woes and Lord knows I do NOT want to see another cookie for awhile...but I have to say it was all good.

Of course, I was not planning on Brittany being here this year, but I am glad she is. She is doing better for the most part. I do not remember being so self centered when I was her age, but maybe I was. If there is one thing I do know, it's that I had a helluva lot more respect for my family and my elders. Brittany does not, though I know most kids I see in today's world do not. That does not make it okay. It makes it sad and pathetic. Brittany and I went to see my grandmother who lives in an assisted living apartment. Brittany was planning on spending the night with her while I went with my dad, stepmom and aunt to stay at the hotel/casino 20 minutes away. I bought Brittany THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW for Christmas. It cracks me up that she has discovered that movie. Anyway, I was leaving my computer with her so she could watch movies. So we get there, people are coming to visit my grandmother and Brittany starts watching this movie with her headphones on. She starts doing "the time warp" dance. I asked her if she could not dance around while people were visiting. Brittany tells me "no I can't." Then I asked her to pause it out of respect for everyone coming in and visiting. The room is really small. She then becomes angry and starts having a tantrum like a 3 year old...albeit, quietly. SHe plops next to me whispering "I hate it here, I want to go home. You always control everything I do." So I ignore her as long as I can and tell her she is acting like a 3 year old and I wasn't going to talk to her until she acted like an adult. Then my stepmom tells my dad that it's time for the "CAW" which is a little thing my dad does by grabbing someone's thigh above the knee and making crow sounds. So then he did that, attempting to pull her out of it by humor. I guess it worked, but I was left feeling so angry with her. So then we all left and Brittany spent the night with my grandmother. I didn't know what would happen, but it all turned out fine and Brittany played cards with my grandmother.

Meanwhile, we all went to the casino and hotel. It was a nice time. My aunt, Sharon is 65 and newly separated from her 4th husband. She is like having another teenager or kid around. In some ways, it's fun, in others....well it's just downright strange. I love her to death and have always been close to her. She's always had an issue with my being gay and she's said she is doing better. Well, Sharon likes to drink and smoke and she smoked in the room that was no smoking. Either she didn't know or didn't care...or didn't think about it at all. So after everyone finished gambling, she comes back still drinking and smoking...giving me her theory on why I am gay. It cracks me up when Straight people give their theory on this subject. This is the aunt who fondled me some 20 years ago trying to "test" me to see if I was gay. I know, I know, EWWW!
Of course, I did not think or believe I was gay at the time. Her theory is that I was so rejected by my mother and she also mentioned about my father giving me baths as a baby. Gee, that has SO much credibility! All I can do is laugh.

My family has truly come around and I think it's because they really love Cindy and see how happy we are. We don't flaunt anything or even hold hands in their presence...though sometimes we play footsie! My stepmother was cleaning out my grandmother's closet when we came back and even made jokes about coming out of the closet. That made me laugh! My folks even gave Cindy and I matching Ornaments that say Cindy and Julie on them. I think that says it all.

So it was good, bad, ugly and sorrowful all at once. All in all...I feel blessed. And isn't that the point?

Peace for the new year.