The REAL Final Frontier

Death. I stare at the word and even the letters that make up the word have some kind of aura. For those couple of people who read my blog, it may appear as if I am talking about death too much. I probably am, but now it is ever present on my mind.

January 8th was Cindy's and my 3 year anniversary! YAY! Well we decided to get away this past weekend and go to Ames, Iowa and take Brittany along the way to stay with my aunt. There is a to die for BBQ place there and good shopping. Plus, it's where I graduated from college and it's nice to go back. So Saturday we drove to drop Brittany off at my aunt's house and left for Ames, outside of Marshalltown, IA. Cindy and I checked into our hotel, then did some shopping and went to clog our arteries with BBQ. After we finally fit out the door, we went to the mall to walk around. While at Penny's I got the call. It said it was from my grandma June, but somehow I knew the moment had come for her. Yep, it was my aunt(on my mother's side, not the one Brittany was staying with). She said that my grandmother had just passed away a little while ago. For the past few months, my grandmother had been talking about death quite alot, stating she was just waiting for her time to go. She would have been 90 years old this year. It's hard to fathom those numbers.

So Cindy and I decided to stay an extra day as there was to be a "family viewing" Monday(yesterday) at 1pm. As in my last entry, I've stated how I cannot handle viewing the body and it's better for me not to. Well, I knew that I would have to on this day, as there was to be no memorial service until June or July. The other part of this is about my mother. My mother probably had not seen her own mother in 6 months and barely called her. It's been 19 years since I've seen my mother and I have always had this moment in my head that I would finally see her at my grandmother's funeral. Could someone be so cold to their own mother, even in death?

Yes. My mother did not show up for the visitation, though she lives 3 hours away. The same distance that I do. In fact, as of Saturday evening, she hadn't bothered to call my brother in Colorado to tell him...though she called other people not even closely related to her. I called my brother Saturday evening to tell him. I feel sad for my mother in a way, even though she did this to herself. I heard the whispers about how my mother hasn't even seen her only grandchild. My aunt stated, "well she is the one that has to live with herself." and it's true. To say I don't understand my mother would be the understatement of the century. Obviously, she holds a strong grudge against her own mother also, one that is wasted. So much has been wasted, not the least of all, time.

If there is one thing I've learned from my mother, it's becoming the person she's not.